Monday, July 11, 2011

I need to go on a rant about somethings. It isn't a real rant, but I still give it rant status.

The following things make absolutely no sense, yet everyone accepts them like they are normal and wonderful.

First of all, every single perfume, cologne, and deodorant ad or commercial I have ever seen makes no sense. For example:

Ok, so other than the cologne bottle being thrown in their for about, oh, 2% of the commercial, this is completely unrelated to anything doing with cologne, let alone ones sense of smell. It has an attractive man, ocean waves, and music to go with the 4 second narration and brand name. If you don't feel like watching the commercial, I believe the clip order is like this: ab muscles, neck sweat, waves, back muscles, pretty face, pecs and sweat, waves, ab muscles, dive, facial shot, more chest sweat, cologne bottle, waves. I would just like to point out that nothing in that, aside from the cologne bottle is related to the product.
But, Boyer, it has acqua in the name! True. I'll concede that. But I have a feeling that this cologne does not smell like the ocean. And I guarantee it will not make you instantly ripped and shirtless. And it certainly won't make you sweat super fast. In fact, last time I checked, cologne is supposed to make the wearer smell good,  (but all they usually do is make everyone around that person ask what that strange smell is) and I can't see smells.
Bottom line, apparently sex sells (we already knew that though...) and sex makes people forget that cool visual affects with attractive people is unrelated to smell (and reality).

However, I will say that old spice makes commercials so ridiculous that they make sense. I mean Ray Lewis covered in bubbles riding on a giant, jet-powered raven that blows up saturn with laser-beams from its eyes is intentionally ridiculous. I'm going to hope it was designed as a satire, because it pretty much serves as one. (Old spice commercials here.)

Who thought that a great addition to any garden would be a lawn gnome? They are creepy and purposeless. Besides, who really owns a hat that is 2/3 their body length and stands straight up? Sorry travelocity. (not really.)

This one has a couple of exceptions, but the amount of throw pillows you find on any hotel bed (and I'm sure most beds that are not in my house or apartment) makes no sense. On a bed, you need pillows to sleep on and possibly a pillow that you can use to support your back while watching TV. Nobody, absolutely nobody needs a set of 8 throw pillows, complete with 3 pairs of decreasing size squares and a pair of tootsie roll shape pillows. Nobody needs a 6 inch by 6 inch pillow and a perfectly cylindrical pillow seems ridiculous and unwieldy. Most importantly, in order to sleep on a throw pillow covered bed, you have to throw your pile of pillows somewhere else to even get to the covers. They serve no purpose. Go google image 'throw pillows on bed' and you'll see this image first.
All shapes, all sizes, and way too many tassels. It's an epidemic. Thanks for nothing pillows that stay on my floor.

Alright, I'm done. Ban perfume and cologne ads (naked and half-naked people don't necessarily smell good), ban lawn gnomes (dumb hats is reason enough), and ban throw pillows.

On a side note, no one can look cool while running out a garage door they just closed from the inside before it shuts AND successfully step over the laser safety beam. Just sayin'.

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